operation VS transformation

conversation i had with my mom on christmas:

me: "i'm going to become a victoria secret's model."

mom: "oh yeah? and when did you decide this?"

me: "about 3 weeks ago. first, i'm going to go to the gym everyday and eat nothing but celery to get the body and then i'll worry about getting boobs and a nose job." my roommate has also agreed to this project.... well. i didn't really give her a choice but she would have if i did.

mom: "i see."

that night i watch a re-run of the 2010 victoria secret fashion show on cbs.com for inspiration. while it's true, all these christmas hams and cookies have probably gone more to my head than my ass, there's no reason why i (or anyone else) wouldn't envy these models.

so, soon i'll look like this:

or this

....probably not with the balloon wings, child size hat, or pom-poms but you get the picture.



as for new guy.... so far i like :)

new guy

after a 3 hour long flirtation with a male suspect at a bar last wednesday, nicole decides to give her phone number to said "new guy". "new guy" soon turns to technology to strike up first "post-meeting" conversation via text. let's see what happens:

new guy: merry christmas!

nicole: you too :)

new guy: where do all the smiley faces come from?

nicole: well you see, smiling is an outer expression implying that one is happy. and when combining a colon and a parenthesis via text implies that sender is smiling.

heheh.... god i'm an asshole. shit i just blew it.

nicole: cool, huh?

try to recover from being an asshole.

new guy: whoa... i was kinda joking.

god i'm and asshole.

new guy: i like the good attitude though.

....ya like that, huh?

nicole: haha i'm just being a jackass i'm kidding

nicole: it's just nice to hear from you. so i put a smiley face.

nice save, very smooth, he's smitten-- falling in love with my wit and charm

new guy: the smiles are perfect.. that (s?) mostly the best part i remember about you...

aww...wait a second... my smiles are "mostly the best part you remember"? are you calling me and idiot? trying to say i'm boring and that the only thing that you "mostly remember" about me are my smiles? this dudes either an idiot for not knowing how to give a compliment or he's an ass for not remembering how interesting, sexy, and funny i am/any of my better features. ...jackass.

nicole: haha aw you're sweet

jackass.

new guy: i'm from ******** we're grown that way

that's neither charming nor funny. and you're a jackass.

nicole: yeah, what's your last name again? gotta make sure we aren't cousins or something. that would be awkward...

... true. but really i want to facebook creep.

new guy: ******, your going to facebook creep me....

nicole: probably (absolutely). block any nude pics (or not.. whatever...). my last name is *******.

definitely going to facebook creep.


---a few more chitter chatter texts and new guy says he's heading home and asks if he can call in a bit.

nicole: call me tmrw

new guy: works

duh. this is not a thing that we "work" out. this is YOU wooing ME. and right now, YOU need to "work" on it.




TO BE CONTINUED.....

what i'm thinking about today

first (snowy) night in madrid, almost one year ago...

the Cyrpt of the Nativity below the sanctuary of Basilica di Santa Maria Maggiore in Rome



...merry christmas eve :)

christmas courtesy

appreciate your family, people. they're the only ones stupid enough to actually put up with you.

seriously though, this christmas season i've overheard way too many rude conversations between ...now that i think about it, mostly daughters. daughters and mothers/grandmothers/fathers... and i (vaguely, in a land far, far away) remember doing the same thing when i was a teenager.

...teenagers are bitches.

besides the point -- tis the seaon. show some respect, and if you are going to fight with your families - do so in the privacy of your own home and not in the forever 21 dressing rooms making me and the rest of the half naked customers feel very uncomfortable.

THX.