read a book, grow a vagina

just so you guys know, i read books.

i know. i know you're thinking, "omggg you're so vintage i got my kindle, like, eighty billion years ago."

shut up.

anyway, when i'm not on here, facebook, twitter, gmail, hotmail, youtube, hulu, wanelo, google images of this>>

in other words -- when i'm not nose to nose with my computer, i'll read. sometimes.

recently, my english-major roommate has been feeding books to me. first i read Looking For Alaska. This book was awesome. i think i cried. i can't remember. i either did or i almost did. and by "cry", i mean a tear slithered out, went half-way down my cheek, then crawled back up into my inner canthus before even God saw it. i blame my childhood.

here are some of the best quotes from this book:

"Truth or Dare, Pudge?"
"Dare."
"Hook up with me"
So I did.

"What the hell is that?" I laughed.
"It's my fox hat."
"Your fox hat?"
"Yeah, Pudge. My fox hat."
"Why are you wearing your fox hat?" I asked.
"Because no one can catch the motherfucking fox."

When you stopped wishing things wouldn't fall apart, you'd stop suffering when they did.

Sometimes you lose a battle. But mischief always wins the war.

yeah. it's awesome. and you could read it in a couple hours. it's only 160 pages.

the rest of the books i've gotten from my roommate are the problem. they are Nora Roberts novels. romance novels, people. romance. and it's a problem because they are putting all these ideas in my head. seriously. they're turning me into a huge pussy. i find myself talking about things that i don't talk about. things like "when i get married..." and "i want a boyfriend" --and i think this may be the first time i've ever said this in my life. i don't think i'm even thinking these things when i say them, they just come out.
immediately after, i freeze and look around to see if anyone heard me. my roommates will be quietly sitting, eyes-wide, jaws-opened, with the most frightened look on their faces. no one moving, no one breathing. shit.

this is what it would look like in a perfect world, because ideally my roommates would be asian:
"...i'm just kidding you guys."
"no you weren't."
"yes, i was." then i'll leave the room.

next. we are all in the living room. watching a movie, messing around on our laptops.

"...nicki, what are you doing?"
me: "...nothing."
"are you looking at wedding dresses?"
me: "no."
"um, yes you are, nicki, what the hell??"
"I'M CURIOUS," i angrily stab back.

so. this is what these novels have done to me. i'm a violently defensive, mushy love ball. i hope you're all happy.


this concludes my book review because now i'm getting pissed off. BYE I LOVE YOU.

spring break apprehension

a converstation i had the other week:

correspondent: father
subject: spring break

"dad, are we going on vacation this summer?"
--"yeah, i think so. Shari says she needs to go somewhere this year."
"well, because if i'm going to take off a few days to go on spring break i need to figure out what i'm going to do." (i only get a total of 64 hours-essentially 8 days-to take off from clinicals between january 3rd to august 8th. ahhwooga.)
--"you're going on spring break? man, you're too mature for that."
"no, i'm not." definitely. not. "besides i've never gone anywhere for spring break before." this is my last chance, senior year of college, if i don't go now my soul will be incomplete....or something.
he then goes on about the stereotypical things that happen on spring break (girls taking their tops off, people getting blackout drunk, etc.). i know. i watch mtv.
"dad, we're not going to panama city."
--"who's going, where you going?"
"well, kaylin has a condo down in destin-"
--" oh, i'm downnn."
"what? no, you're not invited. this is spring break dad. besides, it's a girl trip."

really, i added that last part in to seal the deal that- no, there are no boys going (unfortunately) and that noooooooo way in hell are you coming. not that he really would've. ....i think. in actuality, he was probably joking. but the fact that i'm still uncertain of whether he was or not- and just the thought of him actually coming- was enough to cause alarm. i love my dad. and i love going on vacation with my dad. but this is not vacation. this is spring break.

now to be clear, this is what i think when dreaming of the up-coming spring break:


me and the girls ( there are 4 of us) relaxing on the beach, boy-scouting, and possibly in the company of oneee too many margaritas. pretty standard. nothing crazy.

and this is what my dad thinks:
now. here is my concern. my father just invited himself and said he was "down" for the above image.

..........

it was a joke. he was joking.

reunion

recently, i had a run in with an ex at the bar.

well, not really an ex. we were never actually dating. we just... spent some time together? in all honesty, it was more of me having a huge grade school crush and waiting around for him to realize how awesome i am. well, that never happened--due to a variety of possibilities: a) he's a slow learner b) i got tired of waiting c) he was a jerk and d) most likely, he just didn't like me that much. throughout our entire relationship-or whatever it was- there wasn't one day that i wasn't utterly confused about what was going on. using one word to sum up the affair: exhausting.

anyway, we had a falling out. occasionally-rarely-we'd see each other. a few texts exchanged here and there. really, i was just trying to keep my distance so that i didn't have to waste any more life with the anxiety, worry, and stress of overanalyzing mediocre flattery and indecisive behavior.

with all this said, one would wonder why i was smiling like a school girl, completely smitten when i bumped into him the other night. ...damn it.

we say hello and bicker about why neither of us has contacted the other. i'm sure i laugh at his bad jokes and swoon at his lazy attempt to converse while thinking "what is wronggggg with me???" (in his defense, he was pretty drunk already. and i was drunk because HERMAN was buying me shots... but that's another story). he leaves shortly after our conversation. through my peripheral vision i see him walking to the door. i turn my head and look at him. he's looking at me. he stops, stares, and smiles. ...i'm a goner.

the next day, he texts.

"good to finally see you. but i was absolutely hammered last night."

me: "yeah i wasn't too far from that also hah"

"we will have to try again another night when i can remember stuff"

....oh, we will?

me: "you know where to find me"

"not really haha"

...i meant you have my number, and you are capable of calling or texting me if you would like to find me. but i'll play along.

me: "***** (the bar we were in) is a safe bet"

"hahaha well i've been almost every night the last five or so"

....cool dude.

me: "damn kid. might as well move your stuff in."

"my point being how is that the only time i've seen you"

...where is this going...

me: "must have not been looking"

"oh i have been"

...oh...no... oh no. this can not start again. this is where i run into the living room to ask my roommates what to say because my brain is no longer capable of reasonable thinking. this is what we decide-

me: "haha not hard enough"


and that's it. a good conclusion.



....what is happening?